For many of us, myself included, the most daunting step after we’ve decided to go to therapy (yes, that step is also daunting) is deciding on a therapist. Even as a trained clinician, choosing a therapist has been intimidating when I’ve searched for one in the past. My current therapist came at the recommendation of a friend who knew him through her residence life role while in college. He was the head of the student counseling center. The endorsement by someone who knew me relieved the stress of a totally blind foray into a new round of therapy in a new office in a new town.
But that is a luxury not all of us are afforded.
So, what do we do?
I’ve referred to Psychology Today’s directory as a good place to begin the search, and I stand by it, but I recognize it has pitfalls. There isn’t standardized required information apart from a photo, credentials, and a contact point when setting up a profile as a provider. There are prompts to respond to in order to provide perspective on one’s style and training, but this leaves quite a sizable breadth in the possible information offered on profiles.
Scouring Psychology Today can be reminiscent of using a dating app — a majorly impactful choice based on limited information with no real way to verify the veracity of what’s being presented — not to mention, many profiles recycle similar sentiments about a passion for helping people or some reference to taking charge of one’s life. This is not a slight against providers using this kind of language, my own profile expresses these themes (see for yourself), but it can quickly turn to white noise when deciding on the person with whom you’re willing to share your deepest self in an effort to become a fuller human.
Casual.
How then do we navigate the befuddling array of choices?
Here are some basic, but important, questions to ask when seeking out a therapist.
How do I summarize what I want out of therapy in a few sentences?
Beginning the search for a therapist by establishing what we want from the experience helps us decide how to prioritize our needs from the process. The therapist who emphasizes your choice in how to prioritize these needs, or has training in an area in which you want to heal, may be the therapist for you. Probing for this during email or phone call contacts can give an idea of a therapist’s approach.
Do any physical qualities of a potential therapist matter to me (e.g., age, gender, race)?
For some, these elements won’t matter, but it’s important to ask ourselves if and how these qualities might affect the experience with this professional. Psychotherapy is a relationship at its core, so these attributes may shape the relationship's dynamic. Because of this reality, therapy sometimes enacts a version of an existing relationship in our lives. The physical presence of your therapist can be activating, which is not inherently negative. It can be a source of growth not experienced with another therapist who does not physically remind us of someone. Nevertheless, attention to reactions possible from a therapist’s appearance should be acknowledged.
How important is it for my therapist to share my values?
A well-trained, competent therapist will be able to set aside their personal values in the interest of providing care for clients. This does not mean we are empty vessels with no moral or ethical bearing. In fact, most of us have deep moral and ethical convictions that inform our sense of the world. However, we are trained, and daily work, to keep our personal values from impeding the autonomy of the clients we walk toward healing with. That said, it may be important to you to work with a therapist who shares your values (social, religious, etc.), although, it can serve us well to work with a therapist who holds differing values in that we can safely explore whatever activation occurs from these conflicting values. That is for you as the individual to decide.
Making the Call, Sending the E-mail
These questions are not all-encompassing. They are meant to prompt exploring the inner world that will hopefully present itself in our endeavor to heal. To summarize the intent behind these questions:
Be curious about your needs and feelings when deciding on a therapist. Pay attention to any reactions to a therapist’s statements about themselves and their style. Ultimately, remember it is your autonomy to make the decision.
Below I’ve added an example email to send. Copy and paste and edit away.
“Hello (Therapist’s Name),
I’m looking to start therapy and am reaching out to a few therapists to see who is the best fit for me. I (do/don’t) have experience with therapy in the past, and I want to hear from you about a few things.
I want to focus on (primary focus for therapy). I’ve noticed how much this has been affecting my life. Have you worked with someone in this area? How (did you/would you) approach this with a client?
(These values) are important to me, and I’m (sure/not sure) I want a therapist who values similar things. What are your (thoughts on/experiences) working with clients with these values?
I appreciate your time answering these questions.
Thanks,
(Your Name)”If you decide to utilize the above template, make it your own however you see fit!