Know Yourself, Know Your Worth
Thanks be to Drake.
I got a little too excited about getting this thing off the ground and jumped right to the idea that everyone is on the search for a therapist already. I put the therapy couch before the Freudian horse, or however that saying goes. When Drake released "0 to 100/ The Catch Up" in 2015, my roommate and I would quote "Know yourself, know your worth" to each other almost every morning when we'd go our separate ways for the day. It was a pop-culture-inspired way of relaying the inherent worth we saw in the other. This doesn't have much to do with deciding on a therapist, but I needed a title, and what I've written about here reminds me of this story and the necessity to "know thyself." It is the basis for deciding whether we're in a place to immerse in the cold spring water of therapy or not.
Before we send an email or make a phone call, we must ask ourselves, “Is therapy something I want to do right now? Is therapy something I’d ever want to do?”
If you’re here for the hot takes, here’s one: Therapy is not for everyone, and not everyone needs therapy.Also, Nickelback doesn’t deserve the hate they get. I’m not saying I like their music, but the Spider-Man 2 soundtrack would not have hit so hard without Chad.
I digress.
Going to therapy is far more culturally acceptable in the West than in previous decades, and I’m thankful for this shift. Still, we must recognize there are people for whom psychotherapy is not the right course of action. This, of course, depends on the specific experience of a given person and may change as they change.
Right for Thee, But Not for Me
Curiosity about the self is the stepping-off point for much of the therapeutic process, including determining if we would benefit from therapy. Feeling a deep need for it can be as much a reason not to seek therapy as a deep resistance to therapy can be a reason to do so. We must assess the underlying motives for our decisions and desires.
If I feel a deep need for therapy, I must ask myself, “Do I expect the therapist will fix me, or am I capable of making change on my own and would benefit from the guidance of a professional?” (Answer: You are capable, and the guidance of a professional may be the facilitation for change you need.)
If I feel a deep resistance to therapy, I must ask, “Where is this resistance rooted? What does it mean to me to ask for help?” Our opposition is often in tandem with a belief that we must do things on our own or a mistrust of a profession that has not proven trustworthy.
Determining if it is time to seek therapy contains more factors than these, but this curiosity is where we begin. However frequently one attends therapy sessions, each hour (and hopefully every hour outside of the therapy office) will benefit from a continued curiosity about the self. Sometimes, it may feel we must be in the right place to begin the process, but there is no right place or perfect time to start. We do not exist in perfection; therefore, attempting to create it is as impossible an endeavor as catching our shadow in a bottle.
I acknowledge how strange therapy is during every first session with a new client. We’re here to talk about the most challenging parts of our lives with a total stranger. There seems to be a relief clients experience when I let them know how weird it is even to me.
If you’re considering starting therapy for the first, fourth, or fifteenth time, everything above, plus anything else that arises, is worthy of your attention. Be kind to yourself, and don’t expect to be totally prepared or set out to win therapy. No one is keeping score, and there are no cash prizes or resort packages at stake.
Change is slow, even if the moments are fast.